$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
