soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
