Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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