I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
