I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
