He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
