Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
