She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
