Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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