The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How's work?
Spinning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize