I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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