I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
