i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
