I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
