yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
