hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
