i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
