she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
