We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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