So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
