Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
