I need help removing her.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
