I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
