she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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