quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
