problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
