Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
