How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
