Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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