Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
