My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
