so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Barsexuality is the new black.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
