sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
