I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
