So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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