She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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