so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
