I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
