..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
