come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
