I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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