i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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