Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
