so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
