My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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