Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize