Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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