My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
