Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Happy Birthday

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(314): View more from Missouri

rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense

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(519): View more from Ontario

isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?

(416): View more from Toronto

yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.

(519): View more from Ontario

next time on intervention

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder

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(510): View more from California

The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.

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