Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
