you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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