i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
