I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
