they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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