I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
