at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
