you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
