Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
