Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
