I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You made out with two different species that night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
