my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
