Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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