I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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