u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
